yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have aggressive nipples.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
