I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
