dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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