I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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