Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
