That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
