he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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