We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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