Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
