I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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