Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
