im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
wanna go halves on a baby?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
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I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
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Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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