1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
