I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
