He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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