Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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