Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
