i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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