does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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