I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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