my phone needs a breathalizer
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I looked at my own cervix.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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