So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
