Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
50% drunk capacity currently
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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