I wanna bring you to show and tell
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
