last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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