I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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