I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
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4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
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Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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