i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
