I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
