I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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