Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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