I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
