I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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