i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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