o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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