You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
