Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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