im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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