I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
