the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
