never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
