i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
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Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
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A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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