do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize