Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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