my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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