So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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