Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just threw up on my dentist
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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