Quick, to the slutcave!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
