I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
