If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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