She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize