i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Michael Bay diarrhea
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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