Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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