Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
