I love black thongs
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Blood and glitter go together right?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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