yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Randomize
