i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
