That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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