dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
