matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
