I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
