Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
