TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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