i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think people are normalizing furries
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
