my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
