People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
