If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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